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#345731 - 10/19/17 12:12 AM Re: Mystery and pups ..BREEZY! [Re: Zisso]
middleofnowhere Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 02/22/10
Posts: 2659
Likes: 181
Do you want the pup? (in this situation) What can you do to mitigate it? Can you set boundaries? (sounds like this one's an issue). If your dad wants the pup, does he want her badly enough to agree to your way? Will he sign a contract stating that? (may as well get the bellyaching over with now - OK that's wishful thinking but get some of it out anyway). I'd lay down some real rules and include something like "no bitching about the price." Do you have a trainer you like there that you can go with the pup and drag him along?

So - this is a hard one. I could not live with my folks but my folks are not your folks. (That's not to say your Dad doesn't sound a bit over-bearing and I am sure seems a total PIA some times -- and that's not to say I could live with anyone) But your tolerance is far greater than mine...

What would I do? I'd lay down the law and present him with a contract. I'd also address other issues - as in "What can I do to reassure you I'm alright? Being checked on makes me feel discounted/frustrated etc. and we need to figure out another way"

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#345734 - 10/19/17 10:02 AM Re: Mystery and pups ..BREEZY! [Re: middleofnowhere]
Wisc.Tiger_Val Offline
Member First - Owner Second "The Watcher"

Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 8699
Loc: Wisconsin
Likes: 261
Bev, I am sorry that you are seriously contemplating not getting the puppy. I have read the last two pages of your posts. I want to add some thing that may or may not help. Some Parents have a hard time not being parents, no matter how old both of you are they at times still see you as a much younger person that they need to help or protect. I have my mom who would move heaven and earth to help or protect me and I have a dad who doesn't even know our house burned down 5 years ago. It is much nicer to have a parent that loves you.

You might want to use part of that approach when setting some boundaries. "Dad I know that at times you still think of me as your little girl, but I am a strong grown woman that you helped raise me to be. You should be proud and happy that I am this person. I love you but I am not a little girl any more, I will always be your daughter." Or something like that.

Good parents just have a hard time not trying to help and protect their kids, bad parents could give a crap less.

I am sure it is difficult for your dad, he still wants to be the dad who helps and protects his daughter, he wants to be the man and in charge (generation thing). Are there any senior resources available in your area. We have a Senior Center in this area, that has all types of activities for seniors. Maybe he could find a hobby, some thing to do.
_________________________
Val da Tiger

Fuzzybutt the cat.
Neilla the Big White puppy.

RIP Cheyenne - AKA: Digger, CheyChey Girl, Cheyenne Large and In charge. 2/16/02 - 2/27/16
RIP DeeDee - AKA: DD Poo, Little Bit, Binky (part of the Binky and Booboo team) 6/23/02-6/20/11
RIP Lakota - AKA: Bubba, Big Boy, BooBoo (the other part of the Binky and BooBoo team). 1/19/03-9/19/2011
RIP Raya - AKA: Raz-a, Ray a Sunshine, RayBestos, the little one, Silly Girl. 9/21/05 - 6/27/14

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#345735 - 10/19/17 10:07 AM Re: Mystery and pups ..BREEZY! [Re: middleofnowhere]
Zisso Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 02/25/10
Posts: 2575
Loc: Eastern Oregon
Likes: 37
Excellent advice Middle.

I think the biggest and hardest thing about this is setting boundaries. Like I told him during this last round, a phone call is so less intrusive and acceptable over the drive by checking up on me.

So last night I was chatting online with the people who I am counting on for transporting her, and it is starting to sound like her ride might be falling apart. As much as I want her, it is starting to feel like it is just not meant to be.

With that being said, I also started looking at how this would go with starting a new job, IF I can even get hired in town. I also tried to nail dad down on whether he wanted a pup in the house this winter or not and he has left it up to me.

In the long run, I am thinking it would be better to wait and focus on getting work in town and getting settled in a job before I get crazy about a puppy and find myself having to leave it with him while I am at work. I can wait until I am retired and let Z live out his senior years in peace. I think the pup would be more exciting for me later down the road.

I think this is more about being sensible now than about giving in to my puppy fever smile
_________________________
Bev~mom to:
Zisso-DOB 09/16/07

R.I.P. Kiki, Nadia, Pepe, and all my other loves from years gone by.

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#345738 - 10/19/17 01:17 PM Re: Mystery and pups ..BREEZY! [Re: Zisso]
middleofnowhere Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 02/22/10
Posts: 2659
Likes: 181
Bev,
Consider - I'd bet most of us have some trepidation about getting a pup - as in 1000 reasons for "no, not now." I wasn't in the market at all when the youngest came along. This was the breeder's idea. I'm glad, now, that I have her.
But hey, I live alone. And have for most of my adult life.

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#345740 - 10/19/17 01:28 PM Re: Mystery and pups ..BREEZY! [Re: middleofnowhere]
Zisso Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 02/25/10
Posts: 2575
Loc: Eastern Oregon
Likes: 37
Middle, I think that is part of the problem. I have lived alone for so long and never had interference as I do now through dad so I only had myself to take into consideration.

If dad were completely healthy and I had some hope of no interference from him, I would go for it. And last night that was the last thing I said to him. Upon waking this morning though, it came to me that I very well may face a lot of hardships this year. With mom in a care facility, with dad not being in top shape and of course with Zisso, and questionable finances (unemployment), no sure thing for work at the moment, wanting out of flagging etc. Stability would be better to bring a pup in to.

Z seems to enjoy being the center of attention. I am going to spoil him rotten in his senior years and let him enjoy being the only pet. Save up my $$ and pay for my pup myself so no one (ie: Dad) can have any say in how I raise her.



Edited by Zisso (10/19/17 01:29 PM)
_________________________
Bev~mom to:
Zisso-DOB 09/16/07

R.I.P. Kiki, Nadia, Pepe, and all my other loves from years gone by.

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