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#97474 - 10/24/10 03:26 AM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: MaxaLisa]
BowWowMeow Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 02/11/10
Posts: 4747
Loc: Buffalo
Likes: 127
healing from such a huge loss takes time. just keeping putting one foot in front of the other... hugging
_________________________
Ruth

Rafi, the german malaroo, age 9.5ish
http://www.dogster.com/dogs/693238

Varda & Gio (the crazy cattens)
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#97477 - 10/24/10 03:40 AM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: BowWowMeow]
MaxaLisa Offline

Global Moderator

Registered: 01/26/10
Posts: 19487
Loc: Northern CA
Likes: 256
Thank you Ruth butterfly gsdhalo
_________________________
MaxaL (aka LisaT)

Jazmine, mini-mix, 10/18/2011
Max-n-Indy
Max, 5/2001-2/2012, RIP my partner, my Regal Boy
Indy, 5/1997-10/2010, RIP my friend, my teacher

Health Index
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http://www.rabieschallengefund.org/

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#97508 - 10/24/10 07:03 AM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: MaxaLisa]
bianca Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 05/14/10
Posts: 8875
Loc: Queensland. Australia
Likes: 149
Lisa I believe that the guilt and questioning yourself/doubt is unfortunately part of the grieving process. Sending you and Max lots of hugging
_________________________
Molly Moo (aka The Piranha, 4 legged mouth) GSD (31/10/09)
Cooper GSD (The Gremlin) 19/10/11
Texas - Tabby cat (Feb 1996-2013) Run free sweet Teppie
Paris - Tabby cat (Feb 1996-2013) Run free my beautiful girl.

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#97510 - 10/24/10 07:23 AM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: MaxaLisa]
kutzro357 Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 02/21/10
Posts: 229
Loc: Pocono`s, Pa
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: MaxaLisa
In the category of things I am learning....

There is the trauma of death, and the trauma of loss.

I have not been exposed to a lot of death. I have thought about whether I should have had Indy euthanized earlier, but of the few things that I am certain, I am certain that that is not what she wanted. I think not having some of those last images in my head would be easier on me, but I guess then that would be replaced with other images or doubts. The actual process of her death has been hard for me to shake, but I feel that I honored her and who she was.

This last week was filled with not being able to shake the guilt and second thoughts. Not really logical, but that was where I was stuck. Yesterday I picked up the Bach essences recommended by UConnGSD to help, today was better, don't know if it was coincidence or the essences. The guilt is replaced with the loneliness of loss. But when that gets close to unbearable, I try to do something with Max and focus energy on connecting in a positive way with him.

The last 3 weeks have been a complete fog. I keep reminding myself that so many have been through this before, and it will get better. It helps knowing that.



I was never like that until I was truly touched by a dog many many years ago. That dog changed my life and spent almost every day with me even at work.
When I went on vacation out of the country the kennel let him get loose and he was killed.He would never run, was he looking for me? Did he think he was abandoned? You would have thought I was killed. The guilt and grief were unbearable My best friend was gone. He trusted me and I kenneled him and let him down. Guilt, pain and over the next few years even a hundred pounds. 12 years later I lost Kaiser, again guilt. What could I have down? Could I have saved him? What did I miss?
Time helps but it never goes 100% away and now I sometimes obsess over every little thing with the other dogs.
You're so not alone.
_________________________
*
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
ó Randy Pausch

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#97550 - 10/24/10 11:13 AM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: kutzro357]
PositiveDog Online   coffee
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 4908
Loc: Ohio
Likes: 134
Lisa, I wish I had some magic words, but I do not. Grief is such a difficult emotion.

I keep writing and deleting, because this is so hard to think about. But in the end, we can all only do what we think is best at the time.

Indy was a much loved and cared for dog. You were her life and you did well by her.

And now Max is needing so much, too. I know you must be drained and worrying about what is next. I hope Max rallys for you and you both have some peaceful and happy times together.

Are you eating and resting? Make the time to do that so that you do not get sick yourself.

We are all here for you.
_________________________
Bonnie

With approval of my friends:

SamCat, 03/2011

Seiko, Solo, Sophie, Skye and Buddy - bridge dogs who taught me so much

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#97557 - 10/24/10 11:58 AM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: PositiveDog]
DancingCavy Offline



Registered: 02/11/10
Posts: 4067
Loc: Syracuse, NY
Likes: 115
I think guilt is inevitable. Especially when we're so tuned into our pets and want to do what's best for them. Sometimes nothing can be done. But we've done so much over the years that it's hard to accept that. To sit back and realize it's the end. Then when the end comes, you still feel as though you might have missed something. Had you done 'this' or acted sooner that you could have saved them.

We all deal with death differently. I know I don't handle it well. Spent 3+ hours in my room bawling my eyes out, just sobbing miserably, when I came home for spring break and learned my guinea pig had passed away. I knew she'd been sick but that didn't make it any easier.

*HUGS* to you, Lisa. And pets to Max as you both continue to deal with the loss of your great friend, Indy.
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#97606 - 10/24/10 04:32 PM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: DancingCavy]
MaxaLisa Offline

Global Moderator

Registered: 01/26/10
Posts: 19487
Loc: Northern CA
Likes: 256
Bianca and Jamie - I hadn't thought of the guilt as a normal part of the grief process, but it does make sense. For so many years, we try to do our best by them, and it is often so amplified near the end. I feel like there is so much that I missed, and how could I not know? I understand that that's not realistic, but it doesn't seem to help very much.

oh kutzro, I am soooo sorry! I knew that the loss was tragic, but I never knew the details. I guess the impact that they have when they leave us, no matter how they leave us, is just a testament to how deeply they affected us when they were here.

Bonnie, thank you hugging I am eating mostly at work, just can't bring myself to make food here, other than for Max, though I am working on that. So many years of cooking and preparing food for Indy in the kitchen, I bump into things everywhere. Too bad I'm losing muscle rather than the weight that I need to lose frown

Max and I are adjusting to the change of the energy in the house, but it is a very slooooow process.
_________________________
MaxaL (aka LisaT)

Jazmine, mini-mix, 10/18/2011
Max-n-Indy
Max, 5/2001-2/2012, RIP my partner, my Regal Boy
Indy, 5/1997-10/2010, RIP my friend, my teacher

Health Index
K9 TBD info and Tick List Links
http://www.rabieschallengefund.org/

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#98232 - 10/26/10 04:53 AM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: MaxaLisa]
kutzro357 Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 02/21/10
Posts: 229
Loc: Pocono`s, Pa
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: MaxaLisa
oh kutzro, I am soooo sorry! I knew that the loss was tragic, but I never knew the details. I guess the impact that they have when they leave us, no matter how they leave us, is just a testament to how deeply they affected us when they were here.



Don't be sorry. Everytime we lose one it hurts but I wouldn't trade that time for anything. (maybe a little more time with them)

Fragile Circle
"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan."


Irving Townsend.
_________________________
*
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
ó Randy Pausch

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#98288 - 10/26/10 11:36 AM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: kutzro357]
MaxaLisa Offline

Global Moderator

Registered: 01/26/10
Posts: 19487
Loc: Northern CA
Likes: 256
Thank you kutzro hugging

And I so agree on the "more time" thing...
_________________________
MaxaL (aka LisaT)

Jazmine, mini-mix, 10/18/2011
Max-n-Indy
Max, 5/2001-2/2012, RIP my partner, my Regal Boy
Indy, 5/1997-10/2010, RIP my friend, my teacher

Health Index
K9 TBD info and Tick List Links
http://www.rabieschallengefund.org/

Top Likes: 0 
#99246 - 10/29/10 06:47 AM Re: kennel cough or congestive heart failure? [Re: MaxaLisa]
MaxaLisa Offline

Global Moderator

Registered: 01/26/10
Posts: 19487
Loc: Northern CA
Likes: 256
End of week 4, which really seems like the rest of the weeks. I am finding it difficukt to get anything done.

I have been trying for the last 3 weeks to get the blood tests from UCD. The phone calls are difficult to make, and I have to keep making them. My vet clinic requested them, but they sent the wrong thing. I don't exactly know what the issue is, but it makes it hard to move away from thinking about that ordeal there.
_________________________
MaxaL (aka LisaT)

Jazmine, mini-mix, 10/18/2011
Max-n-Indy
Max, 5/2001-2/2012, RIP my partner, my Regal Boy
Indy, 5/1997-10/2010, RIP my friend, my teacher

Health Index
K9 TBD info and Tick List Links
http://www.rabieschallengefund.org/

Top Likes: 0 
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